It's late. Ought to be getting some rest.

Stressing myself quite a bit over the past week, clobbering the website together. The wretched thing would work, but found myself saddened while sifting through old work. It felt like such a long time ago that I had the understanding that all the elements of styling, makeup and model must work in perfect tandem for a fashion story to work.

And yet I had almost never managed to put this into practice. The closest attempt was the shoot with Claire - where all the elements were present - and the results were quite amazing considering how tense the shooting environment was and the fact that everything was prepared in a few days.

The question is really how much you want it, and how much you're willing to sacrifice and how far you're willing to get out of the comfort zone.

Should I be surprised that so much of the remaining stuff look mediocre?

Two years of work.

Once this first wave over is over, gonna start building afresh.

Another day in the grass feeding mosquitoes, and much to my chagrin my Mamiya ate sand. Amazingly - despite falling face first from a height of about 2 metres - it didn't even get a scratch.

Damn thing's armor plated. Sweet.

Gotta wait for a few days for the slide film to be processed. Meanwhile gotta be content with this sneak peak:



It looks a bit weird, a bit creepy - in b/w the jungle looks almost alive. The small image doesn't do the original 65 mb scan justice.

Click here to see what I mean.

Can't figure out the technical aspect of this awesome series.. But I suspect it's second curtain sync.

Spent the good part of the last two days parked in front of the computer, drowning myself in photography. Caught almost all the episodes of the documentary Genius of Photography back to back on youtube, and was astounded at the things photographers are doing out there. The possibilities are really endless, especially when it comes to fine art.

Came across this photo on the show:



It was shot by Nobuyoshi Araki, a well-known (some claim most important) Japanese photographer. It's a shot of his wife sleeping on a boat, taken during their honeymoon. After showing the photograph, the show cuts to an interview of the guy and he looks like this goofball, balding but with his remaining hair on either sides of his head spiked up like a Japanese ghoul.

Candidly, he explains that the shot was from a series taken during his honeymoon, which he titled Sentimental Journey. He goes on rattling about how the whole purpose of a honeymoon is have lots of sex, and that the shot was taken after they'd made love on the boat, and she just fell asleep in this fetal position, because she's so tired.

The show then cuts to many more shots of his wife, taken over the course of 20 years, right up until she was diagnosed with cancer and passed away. The final shots of his wife's passing are titled Winter Journey.

I was shocked, and quite frankly deeply moved. I understood perfectly when he said he wanted to capture nostalgia.. but it's not the emotional, good-old-times kind of nostalgia. It's the nostalgia that's close to 'the warmth of the womb'.. There's no proper word for it.

It's such a great image.

Looking at it, I can't help but be reminded of myself taking Har Gao's pictures. I had been such a lousy guy lately. Throwing childish fits and tantrums. Everything's about me, me and me. I'm surprised that she can put up with the incessant whining.

Oh, last but not least - experimented with pushing film yesterday. And it turned out surprisingly well. Played around with this slideshow program and put it up here. Link's kinda hard to make out.

Hee. I get the feeling there'd be many cool stuff to be done with this new tool.

Been feeling a bit out of sorts ever since the article came out in the papers yesterday. Oh, you work for that cheat-people-money company? So embarrassing. Sigh.

Shy people.

Sometimes I doubt the usefulness of my profession.

It'd be better if I'd ventured into fine art. And actually this can be explored anytime - as long as a decent concept comes along.

Feeling strangely tired, mentally drained... sick of this grind. Should I just pick up my bag and go? Venture into the unknown without looking back. My instincts tell me, things will always get better.

You'd never know unless you try.

Urgh. Currently having a bad case of the sniffles and the kind of cough that gets worse the more you wish it'd go away.

Reading Joe Hill's Heart Shaped Box.. kinda knew the outline of the plot before I picked it up in the library, but was a bit surprised to find the main character is the fictional frontman of a heavy metal band. Crazed fans, drugs, goth girlfriends, endless tours... strangely comforting.

So far, plans are still on track. Work is gathering steam; picking up new processing techniques.

Sometimes I think I shouldn't even think about whining about the job. No deadlines, and work remains in the office. Yes, the hours can be long, and there's the menial aspect of it - but it's such a relatively stress-free life.

Stress-free but ultimately stagnant.

I think I should try shooting something humanitarian someday. The whole human condition routine. If you saw a bum sleeping on the street, would you go adjust his collar a little bit, so that you could get a better picture? I wouldn't. What a morally obscene thing to do. Right. And here I am getting self-righteous. Pfft.

Felt a bit nauseated observing how things went today. Maybe this is envy.

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