It's been too long since I last did a proper shoot. The impromptu one didn't turn out well, couldn't concentrate.



Man. Looking forward to this Saturday's shoot. Hope everything goes well.

Been trying out SF4 for the past few days. Feeling almost hooked.

Spent most part of the CNY break lost in movies. I don't think I had watched so many shows back to back.

Let's see.. there's Last House on the Left, Wes Craven's first movie made in 1972, about two teenage girls who ran into a gang of escaped convicts while on their way to a rock concert and ended up getting raped and murdered. The interesting twist was that the gang stumbled into one of the girls' homes seeking shelter, were found out and subsequently killed by the parents themselves.

Initially I found it surprising that there was so much violence for a movie made more than 30 years ago then I read that it was partly a reaction to the footage that was coming out of Vietnam war during that era.

Then I watched a slew of random movies while over at my aunt's place.. Rush Hour 3, Yes Man, Catch Me If You Can, God of Cookery, Unleashed.. then I came back and saw Blow-Up, an art movie made way back in 1966.

The interesting thing about Blow-Up is that the lead character is a fashion photographer modeled after David Bailey. The look of the movie is so contemporary, I found it amazing. By chance I saw the documentary 7 Photographs that Changed Fashion, which had Rankin attempting to emulate 7 photographs from Cecil Beaton, Erwin Blumenfeld, Avedon, Bailey, Guy Bourdin, Helmut Newton and Herb Ritts.

The most shocking thing is Guy Bourdin's background and personality. Most of the old masters' personalities were usually described in a positive light but Bourdin was actually quite notorious and controversial; his wife committed suicide and 3 girlfriends attempted suicide while they were with him. Apparently he was an archtype of the obsessed and supremely talented artist.

CNY this year is different from past years. Grandmother, who's usually going around talking to everyone, is mostly resting this year. Radiotherapy is very exhausting and has caused huge ulcers to form on her mouth.

I hope she gets better.

Sigh.

It's been such a rough year.

What am I really, but a scrap of paper - white and blank, good to remember things by, to scribble and sketch on, but not for much else.

A piece of paper that is now adrift on a torrent of rainwater, on its way to an unknown destination.

I was buying dinner a few days ago when one of those irritating survey person came up to me and asked if I could spare a few minutes to do a survey. I felt myself frowning irritably - I was hungry - but I found myself saying yes anyway, feeling too lazy to cook up an excuse to escape the situation.

What do I do for a living? I'm a studio assistant, I say, feeling a sense of alienation wash over me. It's a feeling that I'm getting used to.

Not that it is a bad thing to be in my situation right now - there are lots of people out there who wants my job. But it's just that I started off differently, having been shooting for a few years, thinking that I'm pretty good before waking up to good old reality.

I saw a couple of movies that I had trouble understanding. One of which is Wong Kar Wai's Ashes of Time, which I sort of put on hold halfway. The second is The Reader, which is about a 15 year old boy who had an affair with a 30-something woman.

Here's a very good review of the movie, by Roger Ebert.

After the initial shock of seeing Kate Winslet's saggy breasts (as opposed to the perfect ones in Titanic. Maybe Jack cheated in the sketch.) the story began to unfold and while it was easy to understand, I sensed that a message was being conveyed but it eluded me.

There's a lot about guilt and shame in the movie, but the thing that struck me most is, as how Ebert puts it:

There are enormous pressures in all human societies to go along. Many figures involved in the recent Wall Street meltdown have used the excuse, "I was only doing my job. I didn't know what was going on." President Bush led us into war on mistaken premises, and now says he was betrayed by faulty intelligence. U.S. military personnel became torturers because they were ordered to. Detroit says it was only giving us the cars we wanted. The Soviet Union functioned for years because people went along. China still does.

Many of the critics of "The Reader" seem to believe it is all about Hanna's shameful secret. No, not her past as a Nazi guard. The earlier secret that she essentially became a guard to conceal. Others think the movie is an excuse for soft-core porn disguised as a sermon. Still others say it asks us to pity Hanna. Some complain we don't need yet another "Holocaust movie." None of them think the movie may have anything to say about them. I believe the movie may be demonstrating a fact of human nature: Most people, most of the time, all over the world, choose to go along. We vote with the tribe.

And I think that it's so true.

Yay, got first place in the LRD competition. Haha. Had a mini heart attack reading the email.

Not sure what to write so I'm gonna post some misc vids. First off my favourite segment of the VS '08 Show, with the addictive Kanye West song:



And Betsey Johnson's Fall '08 Collection. Really awesome vintage-inspired designs:



Was browsing through the online catalogue and I abruptly realized how weird it'd look if anyone saw me browsing through an online women's clothing catalog.

Haha.

Sometimes I feel like I am losing sight

Stumbling around blind and losing hope

Drifting yet further away from distant dreams

Constantly fighting but to no avail

Tired I lay down on my side

To have a little handshake with carbon monoxide.

Ahh, ever since she was featured in i-D a couple of months ago.. non-existent eyebrows, gapped teeth and all:







Some more snap shots from the VS '08 Show:







The way these women look are impossible.. what an awesome spectacle.

The cruise shoot is finally over.

It was quite literally 4 days of hell - the closest comparable thing I can think of is field camp in BMT. But even then we get to rest and set up camp after the day's training program. During the shoot it was almost none-stop physical work, dragging and setting up equipment that easily weigh 80 kg, all over the ship, sleeping 3 to 4 hours daily.

Through the hardship I came to some conclusions, one of which is that I never function well in team environments. It's a bit strange because whenever I had to do something with another person I tend to just submit and turn into a mindless sheep and blindly follow whatever is going on.

Solo efforts like writing, creating art through drawing, painting or photography, is much more preferable.

The second thing I noticed is rather disturbing. I had been screwing up simple things like screwing on a lens hood and setting up a single light source to light a scene - which just doesn't make sense since I had been shooting for 3 fuckin years.

I will instantly panic and lose all confidence, and after I'd screwed up I'd feel the urge to literally punch myself in the head. Quite suddenly I made a connection from this to some childhood experiences.

It's rather perturbing to think that things that happened in childhood can really shape a person's character. I'm thinking of this often-repeated quote I read something that goes something like, Give me a child for 7 years and I will make the man.

I also found myself thinking quite a bit about HG. I think she may have enjoyed a cruise vacation. The odd moments when I'm standing in the wind facing the view of the full moon reflected on the sea - all of a sudden I'd wish she was there.

In all of the previous relationships I had been in, things turn bitter and ugly in the end. I had burnt almost all the bridges - none of them remained as friends.

I'm glad that things are different this time.

Gonna be shooting on a 4 day cruise starting tomorrow, and I'm already exhausted from the hellish packing.

Gah.

Pardon the cheesy title.

Had just finished watching Vicky Cristina Barcelona and Elegy over the weekend, both romance dramas starring Penelope Cruz.

I liked both movies, but enjoyed the first more. The cinematography of Vicky Cristina Barcelona is simply gorgeous and dripping with color; it is the cliche of the spontaneous romance with a dashing stranger in a foreign land treated with great sensitivity and open-mindedness.

Come to think of it, both movies are transgressive - but I shall not elaborate.

The second thing I realized is that I have not watched any movies starring Penelope Cruz prior to now - how could I not have? - she's quite a force to behold. She's confident enough to appear in both movies with no make up when the scenes called for it - looking like how real women look - and it gave serious gravitas to her characters.

I suspect that Elegy is the sort of film that slowly up crawls up on you, because of the sort of observations that it conveys. Life and love is so much about chance and timing.

Anyway, after all these shows I'm even more tempted by all things bohemian. Unfortunately what is depicted in Barcelona is so unlikely (to be a painter, yet live in a nice house and drive a sports car - right), that I have pretty much conceded it to the realm of fantasy.