What a week.

It started off on such a terrible note. Then came affirmation (on many levels, most importantly regarding corn muffin. Yes I'm talking in code.) and now, anticipation.

Just came back from a total blast of a shoot.

You and I know that I do not enjoy sexy shoots. But I guess sexiness is also a matter of taste - one does not need to blatantly expose flesh to invoke sexiness.

A little vulnerability and playfulness goes a long way.

Hope that I'd be able to get a copy of the shots and permission to post them here.

Really ought to be asleep, but feel that I can't unless I squeeze this post out of my head.

Been thinking about the first day of work and the interview that preceded it.

Life back then was pretty simple. Mornings consisted of farming ogres in Deadwind Pass, afternoons in Warsong Gulch or fiddling with a pencil on a sketchbook, trying to figure out what to do with my time.

Finally, I managed to put together a half decent portfolio - a mish-mash of graphic designs, illustrations and photographs. I headed off to the first ad from the day's classifieds. Arrived at Raffles' Place and got lost; the ad printed the unit number wrong. Then it started pouring.

And so I was camping out at a 7-11 nearby, wondering what to do when this girl came in asking for directions to the same place. I figured, damn - job-hunting sucks. Everyone's looking for the same job. Years later, I realized that sometimes nobody responded to a job ad in the papers, no matter how glamorous you make the ad sound.

The cashier kindly told us that there was only 1 studio in the area, and it was right up the street. Muttering a tired word of thanks, we found the place and trudged up the 3 flights of stairs, which led to this incredibly posh looking place (was true at the time), and dozens of expensive-looking i Mac terminals. The place was abuzz with activity, which I found bewildering. What's all these people doing here?

After a quick interview, I was informed that I'd be contacted in a couple of days should I be selected. Later I'd ask the girl whom I bumped into at 7-11 for her number and asked her out on a dinner date. She was a Chinese Indonesian and could hardly speak English. Incidentally, the dinner date turned out to be a disaster.

Few days later I got a call asking me to go down to the studio for a trial and to get a feel of the working environment. This time, the place is totally devoid of customers. It was a Monday.

Towards the end of the day, the boss spoke to us one on one. After the initial round of small talk he said, 'Excuse me, there's something stuck in my tooth.' Then he fished his finger into his mouth to dislodge whatever that was bothering him.

Then he told me that I had the job.

The next day I went to work wearing my best shirt - a navy blue short-sleeve that had a dragon embroidery on one of shoulders, from POA. Haha I know - the horror! The place was abuzz with frightening activity again. Mr. E was at the reception and he gave me a once-over and I could tell that he was not impressed.

On the first day I was so fascinated with everything that I didn't eat a single bite for the entire 10 hours.

Zoom in to now, 2 years and 8 months later. How much has changed.

In retrospect, the person that I was back then - he almost doesn't exist anymore. Overweight, aimless, penniless and with no ambition whatsoever, spending months and months doing little else other than play computer games. I was acutely aware that I was quite literally nothing.

I think the most important thing I have acquired from this, is a dream. A goal.

Anyway, I'm writing all this because I have a feeling that I'm nearing the end of my time here. The next phase seem prepped to happen anytime soon.

P/S: They say that every 7 years, our bodies would have replaced every single cell that had existed. Basically the idea is that nothing of you that had physically existed 7 years ago, exists now. But on an old photography, you see a physical record. It's a feeling I never got used to.

Before:



After:



Hmm, too easy to take PS for granted.


Tonight maybe we're gonna run
Dreaming of the Osaka sun
Ohh ohh...
Dreaming of when the morning comes

It's so easy to get distracted; was intending to piece some photos together and prepare the files for printing tomorrow and the first thing I fired up on the computer was Facebook.

Then I had a game of Wc3.

Crap, the game is so old - but watching the Olympics just made me feel like doing something, anything, competitive. Happily, the Pitlord + Banshees combo still worked like a charm and felt insanely satisfying to execute. I just can't wait for Starcraft 2 to be released.

Watched Cashback and The Darjeeling Limited, both laid back, non-hollywood-blockbusterish flicks and I enjoyed both tremendously.

Cashback was a sophomore effort by Sean Ellis, an already-successful fashion photographer. And really, it's an ode to photography; the concept of manipulating time, of freezing the moment and recording it down - beautiful backlit shots of hair tossing in golden sunlight and the nude female form in full view.

It made me remember why I love fashion photography, and it's so simple I wonder why I forgot in the first place.

I enjoy taking images of beautiful girls.

There, I said it.

However I don't understand or share the enthusiasm of shooting nudes. For me, it's about transcending reality and creating an image so stark in its depiction of beauty that the girl no longer feels human; rather, she is perfectly divine. A goddess. This has been a recurring theme in many of my artistic renditions since I could remember.



This drawing was done maybe 6, 7 years ago, simply called Goddess. Yep, was going through a difficult phase at the time.

In Cashback there were a few highly stylized slow-motion scenes, which amazingly captured exactly what goes through the mind when taking a photograph. Everything slows downs, and flickers. The moment is anticipated and the mind says, click.

The first time I felt it was of course during that fateful night at the carpark. I could still see it when I close my eyes - the yellow street lamps, the long hair floating in the wind, the familiar gait, the jeans. It all unfolded slowly. Then she turns around, sees me and says, 'We shouldn't see each other anymore.'

Ouch.

Then the world kinda shriveled and didn't make sense for the next few years.

Yes, I wasted a hell lot of time. If I had found photography back then I probably would have stood right back up and kept on walking, with my chin held high and eyeballs looking straight ahead.

But I guess life doesn't work this way.

Ahh, what do you mean you can't pull the film? I felt like screaming at whoever is on the other side of the phone.

Film is so dying.

Give a few more years and nobody would remember how to operate the machines anymore.

Burnt Landscapes:





I want to go to London:



Was browsing through my old photo archives (and moping while doing it) when I saw some test shots I did with Prichelle more than 2 years ago. Wondering what has changed then, I took some shots the next day for comparison:



2 years later:



(Things that has changed: Angle resulted in uneven-looking eyes. Manipulating hair to slim down jawline. Shadow areas are too deep and contain no detail. No catchlight in eyes. No seperation from background.)

Feel depressed all of a sudden.

I really should start getting my work out.

Now, now, now now.

Stop telling myself my portfolio is not good enough.

Right this minute.

Urgh. My thoughts can be so banal and boring.

Been reading a crapload, shot random stuff until my eyes couldn't focus, and watched two movies and yet felt like I'd wasted two entire days doing nothing.

Sian.

Can't stand this butt-cultivation exercise.