Wanted to get some shuteye but too much adrenaline is pumping through my system.

Probably due to the last discussion with Hamster.

It will be great if she really did end up coming back to work, but I realized that things have changed. Her goals had changed. Perhaps she had found what she really want to do - but unfortunately it wasn't the nice collaboration that I had envisioned.

But what she did choose to do got me thinking. If she really does end up in some third world country one day, doing work that could make a difference - how meaningful would that be?

It's a plausible dream, I suppose. But I couldn't imagine myself doing it. And I can't really explain why.

For some reason it just doesn't really intrigue me. Whenever I look at photojournalistic books filled with images of suffering and misery - I just find myself tuning off. Life isn't fair - bad things happen to good people, and suffering is part of reality.

But to devote my own time and effort in order to try to change things - why?

What I mean is not to say there's something wrong with it, but rather - why don't I feel like doing anything? In fact, my own goals and ambitions are downright selfish in comparison.

Compared to visiting some impoverished third world country, I think I'd much rather stay in a jungle and take photos of wildlife - perhaps do something for their conservation. That's a cause that I might take to.

But being surrounded by starving children? Maybe exposing illegal human trafficking in cargo containers or some other human atrocity? No.

Unfortunately, I can't really explain why.