I want to run.. as fast as I can, until my lungs feel like they're bursting and my legs burn with lactic acid.

Run to the edge of a cliff and scream.

Scream to the roaring sunset that greeted us back in Labrador.

I want to ask why.

I want to pound my head against the railing until my skull split open.

Why?

Why am I so worthless?

I feel an insane urge to laugh but it came out a strange, truncated croak.

I want to cry but the tears wouldn't come.

For a second I regarded the crashing waves and wondered how easy it will be to end it all.

I pull myself back.

I must carry on, if only to prove to all the fucking naysayers that I can do it.

--

I wrapped our love in all this foil,
Silver-tight like spider legs.
I never wanted it to ever spoil,
But flies will lay their eggs.

- Marilyn Manson, Tourniquet