Felt really stupid today. The bill from Ave finally came in and I'm feeling the pinch.

Was it really worth it, I wondered. Anyone with some experience in the industry will say that it's money needlessly spent - to pay $400 for a test is simply too exorbitant.

On top of feeling totally dumb, I started to feel doubt seeping in. If I'm half decent at what I do, why I'm I forking out money to shoot, rather than making money from it? I can almost hear Heath Ledger hissing, "If you are good at something, never do it for free."

But a few minutes later I started to put things back into perspective. Despite doing photography for years, I'd only been doing the 'real' work for months. Forking out money is just a lazy way to avoid the sticky situation of asking (begging?) for test models. Because I have no rep or clout to bank on. So out comes the skinny (as opposed to fat; but at least it's not yet famished) wallet.

I think in the end it all boils down to the nose ring. And the fact that she's the (I know I'd said this like a million times) campaign girl for Benetton next year. Unfortunately the nose ring didn't turn up during the shoot and she's completely off form during the shoot - but that's beside the point.

The point is, at the time the decision was made, it totally made sense.

So yea. Pay up and don't complain so much.