Can't remember when was the last time I posted. The random bits of depressive-laden text do not count - for those of you who were unfortunate enough to read them before I hastily deleted whatever I wrote the following morning when I came to my senses.

I had been daydreaming a lot for the past couple of weeks.

The idea of trying out freelancing is not new but it's making a lot more sense than it ever did.

It is hard to let go of the security blanket that is the monthly paycheck but the alternative is rather common to artists like writers, painters, actors, sculptors - most of whom go by without abiding to the norm of having a 'regular' job.

I can't help but wonder if I could have produced better personal work if I haven't had to plan everything around my work schedule, which more often than not ended up with me producing mediocre work.

Think of it - how can a shoot possibly be good without meticulous planning? Half the time all I ever did was to write a brief outline and instruct the subject to bring whatever relevant clothes he or she could find and then try to make the best of it on the shoot itself.

How can anything possibly good come out of this practice?

If there had been time to source for help and organize meetings, I bet everything would have turned out better. And while I'm doing this, I can survive on whatever jobs that come my way. There's a lot of work out there for someone who can take decent exposures and push a mouse around in Photoshop.

I do not need anyone to remind me that I'm not getting younger. By the same token, how can I rely on other's reactions when they themselves have not experienced such a lifestyle?

Why should I feel obliged to explain myself?

I need more faith in myself and I need to learn to stop leaning on other people's approval for my decisions. The fact is that few people can accept anything that differs from the 'regular', but I can't let it stop me from finding what I really want to do.

There is nothing fundamentally right or wrong in this.

I can answer to myself.