Promotion
I got promoted today. To assistant studio supervisor.
It's a little weird. I'm not really sure how to feel about it. Part of me feels a little happy that I'm appreciated at the company, another part of me is screaming out loud that I'm spending way too much time here.
Sigh.
I'm not feeling happy today. Lots of things bothering me.
There are many times that I think that I cannot cope. When Ling and Christ left. When faced with the daunting December holiday period with shortage of manpower, and finally at the prospect of going through RT while still working.
A lot of it is in the mind. Many things are not as difficult as I imagined them to be, if I tell myself to just endure. It's like Emperor Hirohito telling his people to endure the unendurable, referring to the pending US occupation, then having the Japanese realizing that it's not so bad afterall.
But now, with Rita and Hamster leaving, I totally dread the incoming emptiness. I could never have imagined that I'd be the last remaining person in the batch to stay, when I was one of the first to think of leaving.
But there's something that scares me even more: of being alone in the house, paralysed with boredom and inertia, with no human interaction. I know myself too well how difficult it would be to do anything productive in such a state. Even now, when I'm still working, I think I've managed to collect a decent amount of portfolio considering that I'd only gotten my camera last July.
I remember sensing, so clearly, those lonely mornings after I finish my driving lessons.. an acute realization that I am nothing.
I had no job, no money, nothing to call my own. At least now I've got ambition and job where I get a little bit of respect. Is it pathetic? At least there's progress. At least it's better than playing WoW all day, earning imaginary gold and respect. At least, this is real.
If I stay, I'd still get paid. I'd still get to practise with lighting everyday. I'd still have some form of human interaction.
I think I have charted my future plans quite carefully. I seem to know exactly what I want to do, and I'm actually quite confident. But it's always that question - what if I'm wrong?
My birthday is coming up soon. I wonder if anyone knows.
It's a little weird. I'm not really sure how to feel about it. Part of me feels a little happy that I'm appreciated at the company, another part of me is screaming out loud that I'm spending way too much time here.
Sigh.
I'm not feeling happy today. Lots of things bothering me.
There are many times that I think that I cannot cope. When Ling and Christ left. When faced with the daunting December holiday period with shortage of manpower, and finally at the prospect of going through RT while still working.
A lot of it is in the mind. Many things are not as difficult as I imagined them to be, if I tell myself to just endure. It's like Emperor Hirohito telling his people to endure the unendurable, referring to the pending US occupation, then having the Japanese realizing that it's not so bad afterall.
But now, with Rita and Hamster leaving, I totally dread the incoming emptiness. I could never have imagined that I'd be the last remaining person in the batch to stay, when I was one of the first to think of leaving.
But there's something that scares me even more: of being alone in the house, paralysed with boredom and inertia, with no human interaction. I know myself too well how difficult it would be to do anything productive in such a state. Even now, when I'm still working, I think I've managed to collect a decent amount of portfolio considering that I'd only gotten my camera last July.
I remember sensing, so clearly, those lonely mornings after I finish my driving lessons.. an acute realization that I am nothing.
I had no job, no money, nothing to call my own. At least now I've got ambition and job where I get a little bit of respect. Is it pathetic? At least there's progress. At least it's better than playing WoW all day, earning imaginary gold and respect. At least, this is real.
If I stay, I'd still get paid. I'd still get to practise with lighting everyday. I'd still have some form of human interaction.
I think I have charted my future plans quite carefully. I seem to know exactly what I want to do, and I'm actually quite confident. But it's always that question - what if I'm wrong?
My birthday is coming up soon. I wonder if anyone knows.